How to Choose Your Wedding Party Without Ruining Your Wedding Day
Let’s start strong: sometimes your wedding party might suck. There. We said it. Not because you don’t love them. Not because they’re not ride-or-die in your regular life. Wedding days come with stress, expectations, pressure, and outfits people don’t usually wear. And not everyone handles that well. So, let’s talk about how to choose your wedding party without ruining your wedding day.
In Episode 8 of Aisle Be Honest, we talk about what makes a wedding party actually work and how choosing the wrong crew can mess with your timeline, your energy, and your ability to enjoy the big day you spent months (or years) planning.
Start With the Real Talk: Who Are You?
Are you a big-group, all-my-people kind of person? Or do you get hives at the idea of managing ten personalities before noon?
Before you start handing out “Will you be my bridesmaid?” boxes, ask yourself what kind of wedding day you want. Are you choosing people to support you, or are you just selecting those you’re afraid of hurting? Do you want close friends who know you, or do you feel obligated to include family members or old friend groups who haven’t been part of your life in a long time?
And then ask: do these people show up? Or are they the kind who’ll forget their shoes, lose their dresses, or skip out on your bridal shower but still expect to be part of the wedding pictures?
Wedding Day Chaos Starts in the Wedding Suite
As photographers, we know within five seconds of walking into a getting-ready space what kind of day it’s going to be. Sometimes, the vibes are immaculate: the music is going, the mimosas are flowing, and your bridal party is getting dressed on time with actual joy.
Other times? It’s already a mess. Someone’s sulking or drunk. And someone’s giving “I should have been the maid of honor” energy. And someone else is asking 17 questions about their hair while you’re trying to breathe.
Pro tip: don’t ignore your gut. If you know someone is going to stir up tension, be late, or make it about them? Pick someone else. You can still invite them as a guest. Maybe don’t hand them a bouquet.
One Person Can Derail the Whole Thing
We’ve seen it: the groomsman who disappears mid-photo. The bridesmaid who shows up late to the ceremony. The brother who forgot his dress shirt. And yes, the best friend who started an actual fight in the parking lot because he wasn’t chosen as best man (he ended up at PF Chang’s. True story).
When it comes to how to choose your wedding party, think less about who’s been around the longest and more about who will support you through one of the most emotionally packed days of your life.
The Bridal Party Isn’t Just for Photos
You know what’s tough? Trying to pose eight strangers who don’t know each other and just met at the rehearsal dinner the night before. We’ve had bridesmaids disappear during photos, only to be found 20 minutes later in the suite, barefoot and eating chips. We’ve had groomsmen run off mid-session to get their boutonniere “fixed” (translation: beer run).
A chaotic wedding party doesn’t clock out after the bridesmaid and groomsmen photos. Oh no. It follows you into the toasts, the reception, and the dance floor. A groomsman might give a cringeworthy toast that goes off the rails. Or disappear during the reception to do shots at the bar while you’re trying to get them on the dance floor.
Sometimes, they surprise us! Ms. Quiet Amy, who has barely been involved the whole day, turns into Champagne Amy on the dance floor. And guess what? She’s the life of the party. And sometimes they disappoint. Remember that chill groomsman? Turns out he gets blackout drunk every time he drinks.
Your Wedding Vendors Feel It Too
Here’s something most wedding blogs won’t tell you: your wedding party will spend nearly as much time with your vendors as you do. And if someone is being disrespectful, inappropriate, or just difficult, it impacts everything.
We’ve walked into groom suites and been met with misogyny, poop jokes, and “just one more shot” guys who are already stumbling. We’ve had to step away from suites where we were being hit on, talked over, or made deeply uncomfortable.
So when we say that your bridal party matters, we’re not being dramatic. It’s not just about vibes. It’s about safety, respect, and whether we’re spending your wedding managing chaos or capturing joy.
Brittany’s Take: Plan For Peace
Brittany’s in the thick of her own wedding planning, and she’s doing it with intention. She’s hosting a Thursday rehearsal dinner, a Friday hangout, and her Saturday ceremony. These wedding events are all designed to let her bridal party meet, mingle, and build friendships before the big day.
Why? Because huge wedding parties don’t work unless the people in them work together.
She’s also steering clear of people who get territorial or weird around other bridesmaids or friend groups. No one has time for “I’m her real best friend” energy. It’s a wedding, not an episode of The Bachelor.
Erin’s Official Wedding Party Archetype Ranking
After photographing hundreds of weddings, Erin has seen every type of bridal party behavior. So naturally, she made a list. A tiered list, duh.
Here’s a preview of the cast:
- Modest Mouses – Quiet, sweet, impossible to read.
- Pinterest People – Timeline-obsessed and train adjusters.
- Woo Girls & Hype Bros – LOUD. A little chaotic. Usually shirtless by 9pm.
- Drunk Squirrels – Unmanageable. Constantly disappearing. Yelling “LET’S GOOOO.”
Want to hear the full list and find out what flavor your wedding party might be? Episode 8 is your step-by-step guide to chaos in formalwear.
Final Thoughts: Pick People Who Are For You
Here’s the deal: you don’t have to pick bridesmaids just because you think you should. You don’t have to include every sister, cousin, or bachelorette party survivor. You don’t have to feel obligated to ease hurt feelings.
So, brides and grooms, what do you need? People who show up and who support your relationship. People who don’t make you second-guess your own wedding planning decisions. Invite those who matter, not anyone who makes you feel worried or stressed.
Whether it’s one maid of honor or a dozen flower girls, your wedding party should reflect the best parts of your life, not the most stressful.
Want to hear more stories and hear Erin’s complete list of wedding party “flavors”? Listen to Episode 8 of Aisle Be Honest on YouTube and Spotify now.
